I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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