is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize