Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
