Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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