I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize