if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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