What a fucking waste of an outfit
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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