you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
