There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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