i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
