Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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