I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They have beer where we have blood.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
