Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
