dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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