Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
