Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
