barbara walters just said penis...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I could fuck to npr.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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