So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
