How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
