Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
