Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
