I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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