U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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