he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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