If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
