I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
