i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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