god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
