I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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