It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
