This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
