Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
