I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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