we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
