I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i've created a new STD.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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