only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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