Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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