woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
