I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize