i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
