just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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