CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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