Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
