The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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