the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
