Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
