i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
