I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
