JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
