Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
