my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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