After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i've created a new STD.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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