i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
