You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
