Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
