nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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