Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
