you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
