Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize