The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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