i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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