Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I could make wine with my vomit
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
