then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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