FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
