I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
