I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
