Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize